how it feels to have a cancer ?

hai Assalamualaikum we meet again~! Haritu acah2 taknak tulis blog en sbb nak final pft. well theres a lot of things happened i think i need to share it  lol. okay first,i found one thing  that sparks my interest on fb, about this one married couple, the wife, whos got cancer stage 4, she knew it, yet she dont gave up her life, she continually live like a normal person, (but now shes passed away innalillah). And what more i like about this story is because of her husband, a person whom accepted her as who she is, encouraging her for every moment, and being a supportive husband ever.
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let me ask, have u ever thought of what it feels to have a cancer ? The moment when dr said
'saya harap cik sabar, cik disahkan menghidap cancer'
bamm! what will u react? nangis? menjerit? or kaku tak percaya ?. well im not sure either if thats person is me.
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Haritu baru tengok kdrama,fantastic, tells about the heroin also got cancer. This drama shows everything, about the patient's feeling & pains, tipulah kalau tak sedih, tipulah kalau tak rasa down, tipulah kalau tak takut, tipulah kalau tak salahkan takdir. kan.
'berapa lama lagi aku boleh hidup?'
'ada ke orang yg masih terima terima aku?'
'buat apa lagi aku nak hidup, at last aku mati juga?'
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But one thing i want to say here is, for each and every cancer patients, believe in God, believe in Allah. Allah will never put you in situation where u cant make it, stay strong, never ever give up life, whenever u fell tired, or u feel at pain, rest, but never quit. Maybe, mybe i dont feel the pains, idk the feelings or i dont even deserved to write this, asking u to stay strong. But deep in my heart, i pray that ull be able to live, live like a normal person. Because u know, at anytime, at anywhere, at any situation pun, a normal person can passed away, even me can passed away after publish this, who knows. The death is all in Allah's hand, and he know whats the best for his servants.
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Theres always a silver lining for every test that Allah gives. Like, u got cancer, u now aware of your death, then u spend your precious times doing the right things. Instead of normal people, they dont aware of their death, tiba2 meninggal, do you think diworang dah lakukan the best in their life? do you think that diworang tak rasa menyesal saat tu kenapa tak buat mcm ni, kenapa buat ni within their life ? Yes ? No ?. But, they cant just turn back time. We all cant.
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So please, live your life to the fullest, do the things that make u happy, within Allah's blessing, for each and everyone of you.
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Also, here i included the notes written by this married couple, i burst out tears read this. :

Somewhat everything feels like a dream, a temporary moment of reverie; thoughts floating with feet not quite on the ground and head is way above the clouds.

Of all days, Allah decided to take you today, on our first wedding anniversary. Who would ever thought, on the very same date after 365 days; that same hand I first time held now would be my last time to hold.

You are still as beautiful as I could remember, your soft hands and your fair skin, they never changed. The same kiss that was once felt hot because of the flush now as cold as ice.

I could not bear leaving you alone. I want to stay, but I have to accept that we two now no longer exist in the same world with different time, different currency. I am pretty sure your place is better than mine.

If you were still here today, you know how much I will spoil you with love on our anniversary. The present that I spent time making now is for myself to keep, but it's okay, we already make a promise, when you in heaven, please look for me, I'll be waiting for you too. You will always be my first love and truest soul mate.

Happy first anniversary sayang, much love from a far, I love you, always.

Ever thine, ever mine, ever ours.

Alhamdulillah ala kullihal. 
- Kamal Effendi Kamarudin
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introvert

oh hai Assalamualaikum! lama tak update blog rindu sobs ~ well harini nak cerita bout introvert ? have u ever heard bout this term ? ya ya im one of this kind. introvert? herm dk actually how to start but nvm ill try my best to explain. back then, i always upset to myself,why can't i be loud ? why cant i be talkative ? why cant i responded well ? i always tried my best to fit with other people, and to socialize well, make jokes..even its lame, laughed at people's stories... even if its not funny...at all.. respond to people...even its kinda awkward..ykow, im struggling, i wondered why i became like this. sometimes i looked at my close people, wah~its so admirable how can they borak2 gelak2 even baru jumpa T.T, and me here, feels..so..awkward, ok move on, well actually i just found bout introvert this year, luckily okay, cuz i already feel something wrong w me before smpai nak g jmpa dr lah apa lah haha k stop. em im so thankful cuz yeah im not alone to feel this way! since then, i looked up for introvert in utube, googled it, so gigih kan. and how should i say this, i now know myself well, not to well lah tapi better thn before. and i feel confident again! bagus kan (terperasan). taknak cakap lebih2 pasal ni but one thing for sure yg ai nak uols taw is, pleaselah please accept us (introvert) as how we are, dont try to change us, dont try to isolated us ceh isolated sngat, accept us, it may take some times for us to open up to others, but if u can be patient w us, then ull be one of our trust man eheh. k thts all bye~ see u next year (sorry blog i got final exam soon)

survived

watching k-drama tought me lot about life.
not mean to be biased but i just cant take malay drama anymore
i love k drama like its full of quotes
that inspiring me and i started to write them all in my diary
so heres a few:

'surviving is not something to be ashamed of'

woah! I believe we, the people who lives in this world are all survivor. what differ us is the types of burden that we're going through. sometimes, i do feel that this world is so unfair, and whenever i felt down, or i felt at my lowest, i asked God all over again. "why me?" "i dont think im strong enough to face this". but then i realized, im not the only one whose struggling in this world. how can i be so selfish ? im sighing with one burden that God me, but i never be thankful enough with hundreds or millions blessings that He had gives me. so for the people out there, and for myself, whenever u feel upset, or something happened not in your way, take a moment to look at you close person, or at a stranger who passed by, all of them own their fate and difficulties. we never can guessed what had or have happen in their life. so, what we need to do in order to live is to survive. Survive even its hard, survive even if it takes all your life, and please know, that it is not something to be ashamed of.  

fake

"Tired of fake friends"

well its a common phrase,

but now i know how it felt.

sometimes,i felt like giving up,

and wishing to go far from here.

Far from them.

Its so hurt, 

 &I rather be alone.

I just want to make friends.

Who can accept my flaws.

Am I asking too much?

I GUESS SO.

sepi

aq ttup ig & tk update twitter brsebab.

i need time to be alone,

& i know no one cares.